I have returned…..from where ever it was I retreated to…….

It’s been over a month since my last blog post, and at first I thought I was too busy to post, then slowly it dawned on me…..I have been licking my wounds…..and I didn’t even know I was injured!

I have always thought I was a perceptive person with a healthy sense of self, but this last month has proved otherwise.

I’ve been working full time for the past year and as my contract was coming to an end I assumed I would be returning to my old roster that was 4 hours a day working from 6am to 10am….my supervisor said as much in an email a few weeks ago, but her actions were not matching her words, and I was beginning to see writing on the wall that wasn’t what I wanted to read.  To begin with I wasn’t being given any training in the new computer system, I wasn’t included in any of the office discussions concerning the changes taking place, or how they would impact on anyone let alone me personally.

Thursday she came to me and said all she could offer me in 2012 was 2&1/2 hours per day!  I was shocked and appalled!  Was I a fool to think my 5 years with the unit 3 of the those on a contract with increasing hours and responsibilities would assure me anything in the future?

I prided myself on being a reliable and hardworking member of the team and in the end it counted for nothing.  The sad reality is that it isn’t only 2 &1/2 hours per day she can give me, it is only 2 &1/2 hours she is prepared to offer.

Others in the unit are being given contracts of varying hours and all more hours than she has offered me! I feel gutted and angry! I am also angry with myself for ever expecting her to be fair or prepared to acknowledge I was a valuable member of the team.  Past behaviour is usually what determines future behaviour and this behaviour is certainly not out of character, what fairy land was I living in?

I called in sick yesterday after a sleepless night weighing up my options and trying to understand what I had done wrong?  My therapy was to clean, clean like I’ve never cleaned before.  I focused my anger and hurt on the shower screens, the dusty furniture, the floors and piles of washing.

My back hurt, my feet hurt, my hands were a dry wrinkled mess, but inside I began to heal.  This isn’t about me, it about a very sad bitter woman who would rather be surrounded by backside lickers who answer yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir, to whatever she requests.  That’s just not me!

Last night was our work Christmas party, and I went along and had the most wonderful evening with the friends I have made over the past 5 years, and it was an awakening for me, these friends are the most valuable thing I have to show for the years of hard work and if that’s all I have that’s OK!

So today I am feeling like my old self again, not a lot to show for the months absence from blogging, but that’s OK too, because you my friends are the reason I blog and I know you will understand and forgive my absence!

Retreat weekend 4th to 6th November is a good starting point. The view from the dining area is truly spectacular.  It felt restful and serene, finally green following the rain of late 2010 early 2011.

Talking and laughing was the highlight of the weekend for me and probably many of the others.  I was surrounded by my dearest friends doing what I love to do most! Talk stitch, talk, eat, oh who am I kiddin’ TALKING!

This is just a very small sample of some of the projects that were worked on over the weekend, I can no longer remember what belongs to who, so rather than make a mistake, I’ll say nothing and just let the photos speak for themselves!

Thanks so much for allowing me to put my feeling into writing.

I will now immerse myself in some fabric and let loose in my sewing room for a few hours, another healthy dose of therapy, my house is spotless, I’ve earned it!!!

Thanks for visiting,

Julie xxx